Question Submission: How do I know that the person I’m with is who God has for me?

Sorry it has taken me so long to get a video response posted.  Please keep your questions coming and I promise I will respond to as many as I can…lazy eye and all! (seriously, there is nothing I can do…I just can’t keep my right eye open as much as the left.)

Special thanks to Ragnar for letting us steal some instrumental music and Matt Miadich for editing out my unecessary babble…So, Anyways, Yeah, Um…

…My Comm professors from college would not be proud.

Any Dude? from Joy Eggerichs on Vimeo.

For Valentine’s Day my mother gave me a book on loving the church.  How romantic. While I don’t want to reveal too much of my personal life in this blog, her Valentine’s gift should:

a) give you an idea about the current status of my love life; and

b) make you question if I am contemplating joining a convent.

(Note: If you are wondering, the status of a) rhymes with “shingle” and b) rhymes with “Jess.”)

(Note 2: My parents both had trouble figuring out what rhymed with “Jess” in the above.  If you are similarly challenged, please know that the answer is neither “mess,” “cress” or “supercalifragiless.”

Anyway…I am only about half way through the book, most of which was read in one day.  And I am not a fast reader.

Written in the fashion of their first book, the two authors take turns writing.  One writes from a theological point of view, the other one like he talks.

He makes me laugh out loud.

If you have ever had any interaction with or opinion of “the church” then you should read this book. Whether I agree with all of it or not, it makes me think.  The authors call you to seek truth, balance, logic, but above all they want you to seek Jesus and find a reverence for Him.

Please get the book and read it with a friend…or if you live in Portland, contact me* and I will “meet you for coffee or a beer” where we can “start a dialogue” and “hash it out.”**

Sample chapter HERE

* Unless you are creepy.

** (Thankfully “organic” has started to phase its way out of everyday Christian conversation; otherwise I would need to throw that in as well.)

Last week I went and saw a huge high-rise building get imploded. Apparently the person selected to push the button was a five year old little girl. Talk about a forever let down when she returns to her building blocks…

After the implosion, my friends and I tried to get closer to the site.  As we neared the street leading to the huge pile of rubble, a cop was trying to keep people out.

“Don’t go down that street! You’re wrong!”

You’re wrong? Not only did it come out offensively, but grammatically those two sentences just didn’t make sense.

Under my breath, (and with a slight attitude) I said, “I’m wrong? Like, in life in general?”  What an odd, strong statement to make. The cop didn’t want me going down that street, therefore I was wrong.

From my logical view, if I was in search of a pile of rubble, then I was absolutely right!

It all depends on the perspective of the person.

I have quite a few friends who speak like this cop when it comes to men.  Recently I had dinner with a friend who stated that she was a “self-proclaimed man-hater.”

She had a rough year for sure, but “man-hater?”

This isn’t the first girl to express such sentiments. Even though “man-hater” may be in jest, the attitude is the same…

We have been wronged, therefore men are wrong.

Relationships hurt because they are real and we (should) give something of ourselves, yet we as women (and men) can act shocked by the opposite sexes wrong behavior.

We are wronged, therefore the world is unfair.

Well to be fair…the world is unfair. We live in brokenness and pain.  But there are also times of joy, and from these happy times some feel entitled to constant happiness.

Where did that come from?

My guess is it stems from our generation having access to numbing stimuli.  Music, movies, video games, magazines, and social events.  These things can numb us to pain, but stimulate our senses.

None of this is bad, but it seems to contribute to a selfish mentality. I had a hard week at work, therefore I owe it to myself to watch this movie or go to this concert or buy this shirt.

I deserve this.

Carry that over into dating relationships and we set ourselves up for disappointment.

Let me make a comment here: This is not just women. We are all looking for what we want to compliment our lives and our goals. But to observe my female species for a moment…

We compare battle scars and get fired up about stories of similar frustration. “He said what?!” “Well that is just a lie.” “What was he thinking?!” “Why won’t he just ask me out?”

We don’t understand, we are disappointed and somehow the only way we know to guard our hearts is to become “self proclaimed man-haters.” Some of us say it, others just think it, but…we feel wronged, therefore men are wrong.

I’ll tell you about some men who are wrong…

The father of my friend Jamie, who molested her over and over as a little girl until he was sent to prison.

The father who raised my friend Sue in a satanic cult where men did things so awful to her, it can’t be repeated here.

That is pure evil. That is wrong.

There is evil in the world, but are the majority of men we are dealing with evil? Or do most of us just come at life with different perspectives?

Jamie experienced evil, yet after years of work and counseling she forgave her father. She is getting married soon to a wonderful Godly man. Yes, a man. Not sure she could have gotten married if she hated men.

Sue experienced evil few of us will ever come into contact with or comprehend.  She too, through much work, forgave her multiple abusers. She chose not to marry, but she has also chosen to not hate men.

Both women had more of a right to hate men than most of the women I know.  But they have worked hard and experienced great freedom.  They had options to marry or not marry, but they knew that bitterness was not an option.

Saying things flippantly like “self proclaimed man-hater” can be brushed off as self-preservation, but where is the sensitivity that hatred may hurt the heart of God?

This is a pretty bold claim about one half of the human race.

Understandably, I should always live in a manner that guards the heart, but if that guarding manifests itself in hatred because of being wronged, then it moves into hurting oneself and the heart of God who created both male and female…and was very pleased with his creation.

Questions: Do people have a right to hate me?  Will I allow my heart to get hard because people failed me? Am I without sin? How is this helping my soul?

My flight was cancelled yesterday and I am still in Florida. Erin, who I am staying with, is off to work and I am home alone.

I almost wrote a blog on “Stuff I like: Going through peoples stuff when they aren’t home.”

Its true.  I apologize to all the people I ever babysat for. Yes, I went through your drawers. If you trust me with your children, you should trust me with reviewing your tax forms.

(Erin, if you are reading this, I just want you to know your Journal entry from March 27th, 2005 was simply moving.)

I opted to write about my love for built in bookshelves. Erin has one in her bedroom that faces you as you lay in bed. There is a small built in light featuring the art and nicknacks that set among the books.

When I get home to Portland tonight, my built in bookshelf will be the first to greet me after ten days on the road.  As I hunted for apartments, this was the feature that sold me. I have books on it that have changed my thinking, books I have never read, and books to impress visitors. There are glass colored jars I found at thrift stores and yard sales in Idaho.  There are vintage copies of Bambi and Treasure Island that I will one day read to my children, and there is a black box I put cards and letters in which I stop and re-read from time to time.

I am not sure why, but for me, built in bookshelves equal coziness. I dream of having a den that has big furry rugs and soft throws. There is a large desk with a gold and green reading lamp. The walls are painted a deep something and the couch has brass studs and wooden legs.

I look up from the couch, or lean back in my desk chair and I am surrounded by floor to ceiling books.  I will never read all of the books. I just want to be surrounded by them, especially the old ones with the creeky binding and the smell of moth balls.

All of these books were written by humans. People who cared so much about a topic or idea that they pour it onto a page. Most of them are dead, but that is what they left behind, and I want to be surrounded by these people on the built in bookshelf.