I’m on vacation.  But it’s hard to get rest t0day.  We save up vacation days to rest but are usually more exhausted by the time we get home.

Some thoughts I’ve had recently are triggered from a couple different books. Essentially the books argue towards my belief that we are a generation of idealists*.  We would rather anticipate a vacation due to the fact that we can make it better than reality in our imagination. If we had a choice to go on vacation today or in a week, most would choose in a week. The anticipation alone can be a natural upper for those seven days of work or mayhem.

I wonder if this stems from being let down again and again?  We would rather dream of perfection than enjoy reality.  Or have we dreamed of perfection because we feel entitled to it, therefore reality always lets us down?  Which comes first, the chicken or the egg?

Who knows…

…too much to think about on vacation.

I am attempting to rest this week. I am home with my parents and always resort to how I was at age 9. (Except for the lemonade stand, which I would have if we had more traffic and the profit margin would support my coffee habit.) I am striving to rest, relax and play in the woods. Maybe even build a fort with my brother.

Question: How do you rest? Are you able to find the space to rest? Do you come back from vacations more exhausted or energized?

* A generation of idealists is not necessarily a bad thing. Being dreamers and hoping for something better is what brings out activism and change. But I believe it has a downside too…

 

 

Let’s be honest…no one typifies being “on vacation” better than Bob.

 

The books I believe influenced my above ponderings: The Paradox of Choice: Why Less is More by Barry Schwartz and Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert

For me, receiving a mixed CD is probably the equivalent of getting one of those notes back in middle school* that were all folded up and each corner had a different little message. I loved a note that was filled with drawings and secrets on every inch of the page. All for ME! Well, all for me unless of course it was one of my girlfriend’s notes that she got from a boy who liked her.  You KNOW she let me read every word.  (Yes boys, we did/do that. Nothing is safe.)

Today it’s mixed CD’s that make me feel so special.  Each song is like a new little gift and the array of artists helps my A.D.D. to stay at bay. I love them so much that I just (after many years) got rid of some mixes from an old boyfriend. (Ok, let’s be honest, the songs are still in my iTunes. That would be like throwing little bundles of .99 cents away! Are you crazy?! But the actual, tangible COMPACT DISCS are no more.)

My current favorite mix is one that my friend Nicole made me for my birthday. She is a music guru and has a blog that introduces bands that she likes. If you want to be cool and hip, you will check it out. Since Nicole loves me and my weirdness, she titled my birthday mix Voices of Unicorns. It truly is a magical mix. Thank you Nicole.

Check out Nicole’s Blog: Cast Iron Songs

One of the many songs I loved on Nicole’s mix had an awesome video that I wanted to share. It is shot with all vintage film and makes me long for family and tradition. Which is perfect because I leave on Thursday to have a time of rest and vacation at home with my family.  Happy Summer Everyone!

Band: Chief Song: Your Direction

Question: Do you remember getting your first note, mixed tape (truly a labor of love) or mixed CD? Who was it from? Tell me EVERYTHING!

Comment: Oh really? You have a mix you want to send me? You shouldn’t have! Leave a comment and I will disclose how to send it.  (Unless you creep me out.)  Also, I only accept Mixed CD’s with personalized Sharpie messages and drawings. Preferably that of Unicorns.

*Lets be honest, I was still writing notes in college…and getting in trouble for doing so.

You should probably read this first: PART I (if you don’t, your computer will implode…)

Speaking on singleness is not something that makes me jump up and click my heels together. I enjoy talking about relationships…broken or functioning…but staring at singleness right in the face is not my idea of fun.

Even 12 hours before I was supposed to speak to a group of pastors and church leaders, I looked my dad directly in the face and said, “I do NOT want to do this.”

“You don’t have to Joy,” he said.

Those words were so freeing. I don’t have to do this. I don’t have to talk about relationships, I don’t have to talk about being single and my eggs drying up and I don’t have to write or read about it either.  But then I realized that I have chosen to do this because I am passionate about relationships. And if I am passionate about relationships, then I need to be passionate about the reality that many people in my generation, myself included, are currently in…the state of being single.

Since I know many people feel fantastic about being single and have no intention of getting married anytime soon, I always try to be careful and give a gazillion caveats and let everyone know I am making generalizations based on readings, interviews and observations.  I know there are exceptions. If you disagree with anything I am saying, make sure you disagree with the majority and not your singular personal experience.

And like I said to the pastors and leaders, “Don’t get your panties in a bunch.”

(I seriously don’t remember what context I said it in, but back in the office on Tuesday I had a flashback…and then a hot flash. Why in the world did I say that? I just remember it coming out and then desperately wanting to reach out and grab it before it hit their ears. Too late.)

I encouraged the leaders and pastors to understand, challenge and come along side us in four different areas.

Serving, Belief, Truth and Love.

As I mentioned in part one of the blog, by serving I believe singles (or anyone who feels excluded) will be less apt to be cynical and start to feel a part of the church family. The results from my interviews proved my point, but differently than I had thought.  I thought I would get a ton of finger pointing critics, but most of the people I interviewed are invested in their church, so they were actually quite positive about the church’s purpose and role in their life.

They were wise, realistic and had good insight.  I could tell most of them don’t necessarily feel excluded because they serve and include themselves.  They realize the churches role is not to fix them but to guide them. So often even good hearted pastors and church staff miss this point. They deeply desire to love people and usually have the amazing gift of being pastoral, so they can forget Christ is the only one who can truly help and heal their people.

So what is my conclusion? A good majority of churches love people and in loving people try to fix them with a program. A good majority of single people are sensitive (consciously or sub-consciously) to the fact that they aren’t married and since church can be a reminder of marriage and family, they want to fix the church and tell them how to treat single people.

My conclusion: Both have a greater purpose beyond fixing each other. That purpose is Jesus.

Oh Joy…that answer is so simplistic.

But it’s true. If we don’t make Jesus the focus and realize we have a purpose beyond our own life’s story to tell HIS story, then whether you are single, married, widowed or divorced…you will be left hopeless.  As single people, we are usually left to look at our own life…and since most of us want to be in relationship we have to deal with this reality by:

a) Convincing ourselves that we love being single which can be easy when so many of our peers are in the same boat.

Or…

b) Blaming the church.  Some say it puts too much value on marriage and we feel excluded, while others say it is to blame for not teaching us more about marriage and how to navigate relationships.

To explain why these reactions might be there, I made the simple analogy of sensitivity being like the reaction when someone touches a hot stove. The body reacts before it even has time to consciously think.

Yes. I essentially called us singles a group of sensitive reactionaries.

(Are you reacting?)

I am sensitive.

Listen, I enjoy so much of what it means to be single today and I can assure you that my status or sensitivity in life does not handicap me. If anything, being single frees me to do more “fun” things than I would do with a few ankle biters running around.

My strength is finally admitting I am sensitive.  That’s because I have realized that being sensitive is ok. Somehow I think we have associated sensitivity to weakness. And yet, I think sensitivity can simply be a heightened awareness to reality.

How we respond to that awareness and reality is key. Reality is reality.  It doesn’t mean our reality makes us more or less than another person. It doesn’t make us weaker or stronger.  It doesn’t make God more good or less good.

And that is where belief comes into play…which is what I was shooting to talk about in this blog…but since I am already at 900+ words (and I rarely read a blog longer than that)…I guess I’ll just have to make a part three…

 

Questions: Do you agree with where I am headed? Are you unclear where I am headed? Am I being too simplistic…too “Christian-y” in my answer?  Unsympathetic to church leaders? Unsympathetic to singles?

 

 

GAME WINNER!

Nope, not yet. Well one of you guessed correctly, but that “said” person was with me on the trip so that doesn’t count. I had three guesses that it was the Cologne Cathedral in Germany. I looked that place up, and while they do look similar, and Germany IS my homeland…you are still wrong. Keep up the guessing!  (Confession: I completely forget the names of places that I take pictures of…having people guess helps trigger my memory. As much as I like creating games, you are all actually helping me better organize my iPhoto collection.  Cheers!)

Four years ago I had the privilege of hearing John Wooden speak.  What stood out to me was his sincerity and wisdom.  He was not asked to speak because he had the hottest new book or motivational talk.  He was asked to speak because he motivated others by living the life he preached. A truly honorable man, coach, husband and leader who I deeply respect.  His recent death resurfaced the unending praises so many people have for him.

I still carry around in my wallet a card titled “Timeless Wisdom,” which among other things, lists Wooden’s 7-Point Creed.

1. Be true to yourself.

2. Help others.

3.  Make each day your masterpiece.

4. Drink deeply from good books – especially the Bible.

5. Make friendship a fine art.

6. Build shelter against a rainy day (faith in God).

7. Pray for guidance and counsel and give thanks for your blessings each day.

If you don’t know who John Wooden is, you should. Besides having the most adorable ear lobes, (John Wooden’s earlobes = or > a baby kitten)  his near 100 years of life are something to be remembered. Read the touching article below to know some of his story.  I am moved by his undying love for his wife which lasted years after her death.

Remembering a Life Well Lived

by Greg Asimakoupoulos

The sports world is mourning the death of a true legend. John Wooden was an amazing man who touched our culture in remarkable ways. Although he reached many milestones in his life, he failed to achieve one that was on the near horizon. He fell short of reaching his 100th birthday.

The one who became known as “the wizard of Westwood” was born in Martinsville, Indiana in 1910. That was only nineteen years after the game of basketball was invented. Early on he discovered how much he loved the game. As an eight year old he stuffed rags in his mother’s hose and took shots with it aiming at a tomato basket his father had nailed to a wall in their barn.

As a teenager he led his high school basketball team to a state championship. Then it was off to college where John distinguished himself at Purdue University. Thanks to his accurate shot and disciplined play, the Boilermakers won the national championship and John was named College Player of the Year.

Wooden’s love affair with basketball became a full-blown romance as a coach. From 1948 to 1975 he courted success as the head coach of the UCLA Bruins. His impressive (and unmatched) success underscores why roundball is a source of ongoing infatuation. During those years the Bruins set all-time records with four perfect 30-0 seasons, 88 consecutive victories, 38 straight NCAA tournament victories, 20 PAC 10 championships, and 10 national championships, including seven in a row.

A couple years ago I had the privilege of interviewing Coach Wooden. For an hour we talked about basketball, marriage and Jesus Christ. In those moments that seemed to go by too quickly, I discovered how much John loved his wife. John married his high school sweetheart in 1932 after graduating from Purdue. It was a marriage marked by storybook commitment and romance that lasted fifty-three years.

“In my marriage to Nellie,” John recalled, “I learned how important it is to find peace in yourself so that you can overlook the flaws in others. My marriage also taught me how to work through misunderstandings. The devotion I had for my wife had a tremendous impact on me. It allowed me to overcome all kinds of obstacles.”

Even though Nellie Wooden died on March 21, 1985 after a lengthy battle with cancer, the dedication that marked the coach’s devotion to basketball was evidenced in the way he continued to honor his wife’s memory.

“Every year since Nellie died I have written a letter to her on the 21st day of each month,” the coach told me. “In each letter I express my love and confess how much I miss her. I also chronicle the activities in the lives of our children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.”

That stack of 252 letters was tied in a ribbon and sat atop her side of the bed that has remained undisturbed since the day of her death. During their marriage John slept on the left side of the bed. He continued to after she died.

In spite of such amazing devotion, there was something that outdistanced John Wooden’s affection for his wife. Without apology John voiced his love for his Savior to me. He compared his walk with the Lord to his marathon marriage.

“Both require hard work,” he admitted, “but the benefits are worth it. There’s no way I can fully describe how my faith in Christ has influenced the way I coached,” John said without hesitation. “It gave me an inner serenity in the face of stressful situations. It also motivated me to treat my players and colleagues with a degree of understanding that was beyond my natural ability. By learning to accept people and circumstances I didn’t fully agree with, I was able to act in ways I would not later regret.”

“Coach” (as his former teammates called him) continued to speak to a limited number of corporate groups and business conventions each year, attributes his ability to remain physically fit by watching what he eats and maintaining an exercise program. All the same the coach also prioritized a spiritual workout daily. In addition to spending time with the Lord in prayer, he read the Scriptures every day and reflected on sacred poetry he has memorized in his nine decades of life.

Although he hadn’t coached collegiate ball for thirty years, John Wooden never forgot how to differentiate between winning on the court and winning in life.

“There is only one kind of a life that truly wins, and that is the one who places faith in the hands of the Savior,” John told me. “Until that is done, we are on an aimless course that runs in circles and goes nowhere. Material possessions, winning scores, and great reputations are meaningless in the eyes of the Lord, because He knows what we really are and that is all that matters.”

This unparalleled giant of the sporting world discovered the truth Jesus taught, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Matthew 6:33 NIV)