Really? Yes.

This past weekend I had the privilege of speaking with my mother at a women’s “camping” retreat.  It was the first time for both of us; we really had no idea what to expect.  As I told a friend later, “It was the most exhausting, energizing thing I have ever done.”  I was filled with an unnatural love for these women and was shocked at how loved I felt in return.  Because of that, I wanted to say, “Thank you.”

The Lord has grown my heart with a love for women in a way that I didn’t think possible. I have actually had to pray for this kind of love because it hasn’t always come naturally.  Like many of you, I have been hurt by women in the past (and I probably will be in the future).  The idea of a whole group of you women was a tad overwhelming.  I didn’t know if I was the right person to “love” you all.

I’m not, but God is.

I had doubts going into it as to whether or not the message of respect and honor towards men would be heard and accepted.  As far as I could tell it was. We seriously felt like mini-celebrities. (Watch out Miss Lohan.) All of the you showered us with attention, questions, hugs, gratitude and very humble hearts…which were often very broken.

Thank you to Solid Rock Church for hosting us and for the hotel so we could prepare and rest.  High-class camping if you ask me!  The rest of you roughed it in tents with coyotes howling…but I think that was the least of your concerns.

One of the concerns among you 300 women, was making a change…  To not let the behavior of other people affect how you are going to live your life. Many of you made a choice to believe that the obedience to scripture gives us freedom and an easier way to live, even if it’s contrary to our nature.

Thank you for going there with me. Everything I said was very much what I am dealing with and will continue to deal with in my own life.  Let’s arise together, as obedient truth seekers who are empowered women that have the ability to change our generation and generations to come.

Love and lots of respect to all of you strong women,

Joy

p.s. And a special thanks to Nada, the Yugoslavian woman who put her cane down in order to put her miracle hands to work.  She cured my pounding headache after I gave my self whip lash by “aggressive somersaulting.”  Nada, you are everything but the Spanish definition of your name!

Our transportation…

The Ask Joy question for this week was: Do you think gender stereotypes are a bad thing?  My guess is that it was on the heels of me posting these hilarious videos: HERE and HERE

Oh, and Walter make another cameo. I know that’s why you watch these videos.

Question: What do you think about my answer? Do you think men and women are different? Do you think it’s ok to point out stereotypical differences even if they don’t apply to everyone?

I have not written about respect a ton on my blog.  It’s obviously one of the main premises of my parent’s message and foundational to successful relationships. But it’s so easily misunderstood, dismissed or seen as archaic so I usually like to address it with someone in person.

I did address it in a guest post for my friend Nish, (HERE) awhile back but haven’t since.  Last night I was working on a talk that I am giving this weekend for women on the topic of Honor and Respect.  I left the office late and was feeling like I needed some type of encouragement—a push that this is important, valid and a topic people need to learn about.

Well, I think the Lord did just that.

I met up with a couple guy friends for frozen yogurt (yes, guys who like fro-yo) and one had a friend in town who was not familiar with the work that I do.  It’s funny how there is this perception that guys don’t want to talk about relationships as much as girls do.

I beg to differ.

Honestly I was kind of exhausted and didn’t want to talk about relationships, but it ended up being encouraging to watch unfold.  I explained the concept of respect to them and they all knew exactly what I was talking about.  Their eyes nodded as if something was being defined that they had never heard defined before.

I asked for examples of when they felt disrespected or saw disrespect in other people’s relationships and they had specific stories.

I tried to explain the good will of both men and women, and how we need to work at understanding where each party is coming from and how respect plays into that, but mostly I just listened. These guys had incredible insight and were very much engaged in the conversation.

Yes, there are men who don’t understand respect just as much as women don’t. There is my friend whose x-husband threw my father’s book at her (obviously he didn’t read it) and said this is what he needed from her. And I realize some men label things as disrespect that aren’t disrespect because they are trying to control.

I realize there are people who are abusive and not full of good will. But many of us don’t even have a clue the power that we can have, especially as women, if we understand how to communicate to a man in a way that isn’t disrespectful.

Many women fear giving respect to someone who is undeserving, but don’t realize that that fear translates to them showing disrespect to protect themselves. I don’t think as women we realize just how sensitive men can be in this area and that we do have the power to break a man down…easily.

We often hear that “communication is key.” Well, I believe respect is the biggest key to effective communication and many of us haven’t even picked it up to attempt unlocking the door into a man’s soul.

As a woman who has always been intrigued by observing and learning about relationships, I am surprised at how little I ever learned about respect.  I believe my generation is on the brink of figuring this out. We will either engage it or continue to ignore it like the last generation.

Women, I encourage you to ask the men in your life what makes them feel disrespected.  Then sit back and listen.  Men, I would encourage you to understand how to articulate what respect is to you and seek to understand the heart of a woman.  What may FEEL like disrespect to you, is often not our intent.  We will never communicate effectively if we distrust the intent of the other person’s heart.

Let’s get over our fear, and unlock the power.

Question: What is your idea of respect? How have you seen culture to define respect?  What do you think God intended when he addresses respect in the Bible?

My realization that calling a guy a jerk has so many deeper implications about who I am inside.  Our generation has the power to change how we view each other…

…Will we?