The Starter Marriage and the Future of Matrimony

by Pamela Paul

Paul quotes David Popenoe of the Marriage Project:

“The nature of marriage has changed so much. It has become a kind of close friendship with a sexual relationship between a man and a woman.  That’s a change.  Before, it was a multifaceted institution. A partnership that was legally bound, typically a religious partnership and a partnership between two families.  Just because the husband and wife didn’t get along wasn’t a reason to break up.  Also, in times past, men, by and large, had mostly male friends and women had mostly female friends.  Today, we’re together in an entirely different way.  It’s stripped down, mainly to the two of them.  They’re best friends, often isolated, alone, and this is something pretty new.”

Question: What are the pro’s and con’s to Popenoe’s perception of this generation? Do you agree?

 

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I have always had a thing for old men.

When I was about six years old, I would hang out with Mr. Wyke at Burcham Hills Retirement Center. As I would enter the automatic doors, I would see his tuft of white hair brimming over the high back of his lobby chair.  I’m not really sure what we talked about, but I loved his company.  He was calming to me.

Now, twenty years later when I am in Michigan, I return to Burcham Hills. My 95-year-old childhood neighbor Leroy is now a resident. An intellect and retired professor of Michigan State University, his mind never stops. We sit, talk and he reads an essay on the cap and trade bill or explains where our country is headed.

There is a wise calmness to him. A relaxed knowing.

This week I attended a writer’s conference. I went with friends who I consider real writers* and heard many great people speak. As I was listening to a lecture by Scott Cairns, I made a note in the back of my journal that said, “There is such a calmness to older people—often older intellects.” I wrote Scott Cairn’s name down and continued to add names of people who encompassed this calmness.

The calmness transcended their words at times. It was neither arrogant nor falsely humble. If I could pretend and bottle this relaxed knowing and calmness into three sentences, I imagine it would be something like this:

1)   I have searched for truth and found answers.

2)   I have searched for truth with no results.

3)   I can rest because I have authentically searched for truth.

Oh how I long for this calmness to be part of my life…hopefully before I hit age 95.

A few quotes I enjoyed this week from lectures given by old, calm, secure men:

Scott Cairns on vocation…

“Pursuit of art becomes vocation when its devotion is pursuit of making something of attention, not just doing what you know. It’s wholehearted pursuit, less an expression of what is known, and more of knowing.”

Eugene Peterson on the messiness of the Church…

“This is Christ’s church…He could have made it perfect so we weren’t an embarrassment to the world, but the Holy Spirit doesn’t mind being embarrassed.”

Stephen Carter on the next generation’s lack of critical thinking and rhetorical training…

“We are strong in our convictions but we can’t defend it.  And if someone disagrees, we are offended.”

*passed English class.