Question: What is going on in the situations below?

1) Boy watches movie where “good girls” are always really “bad girls.”

2) Girl is told by boy on Monday, “I love you.” On Tuesday girl watches talk show about boys who cheat.

3) Boy begins dating girl on Monday who is four years older.  On Tuesday boy reads article saying older girls always control relationships.

4) Girl watches movie where boy falls for girl who is mean and plays hard to get.

Messages and information we receive today may be true and helpful, but some may actually hinder us.  The above are pretty easy to make logical conclusions regarding the negative affects on young boys and girls.  But if you stop and think about the information you are inundated with, how do you think it is affecting your view of the opposite sex?

A professor and researcher friend made a statement in an email this week that got me thinking: [Something] “may not be true at all, but it is hard to disprove once the idea gets floated.”

I couldn’t stop thinking about that line.

The imagery is spot on. Any information that we have received either by choice or force is in our brain “floating.” (Cue sci-fi music.) Whether we like it or not, events in our life will trigger and bring to the forefront of our mind these “floaters.”

Due to the effects that this technological information age presents our generation with, we can’t help but have more access to media imposed ideas than ever before.  You may try to say “no” to movies or shut down your Facebook account, but I don’t know anyone in my generation who isn’t affected by advertising and doesn’t use the Internet.  Those floaters are implanted even if we don’t want them.

(I just re-read that last line and am wondering how affected I was by the movie Inception…and if I should be concerned. Cue more sci-fi music.)

The way I believe movies, blogs, music, advertising, the “latest” research, talk shows, etc. impacts relationships is that we see, hear and are presented with so much media that we barely have time to sit and process if something is true or not.  If we don’t process information, ideas will no doubt have a larger chance of growing into something we believe to be truth.

When we aren’t conscious about the beliefs that are forming, we will project onto people who may or may not be deserving of that belief system.  It’s difficult to clearly think and filter our ideas so that we don’t make pre-judgments or blanket statements about potential partners.

Is all this information bad?

Absolutely not. Our access to information is fantastic.  I would never want us to try and go against a tool that can be so instrumental in helping people and spreading truth. There is nothing I want more than for people to come prepared into relationships. If relationally most of our ideas are shaped by what we have seen, heard and read about, the actual relationship will be affected.  Guaranteed.

My concern is how do we discern truth in the midst of all the floating ideas we encounter?

1) Girl reads article on 10 sure steps to get the boy of her dreams.

2) Boy reads article on 10 sure steps to get the girl of his dreams.

3) Boy sees in commercial that beer is more valuable than annoying girl.

4) Girl gets email forward on 10 reasons why she doesn’t need a stupid boy.

Question: What’s your experience?  

How infinite is space
And who decides your fate
Why everything will dissolve into sand

How to avoid defeat
Where truth and fiction meet
Why nothing ever turns out as you planned

These are things that I don’t understand
Yeah these are things that I don’t understand

Things I just don’t understand – Coldplay

Maybe it’s our generation, or maybe it’s just my age and the realistic fact that with age comes pain and questions…but it appears lack of understanding is why many question God’s plan.

“Why did I lose my job?”

“Why is everyone else so fertile?”

“I thought I was supposed to be married at this age.”

“Why is everyone else so happy?”

“This isn’t how it was supposed to happen!”

*                        *                        *                        *                        *                        *

Ever since I was a little girl I have been interested in death. It’s weird I know, but it fascinates me. I think about all the people that died only a hundred years ago that none of us knew or know anything about.  Will that be me?

I guess due to the internet, a hundred years from now people will be able to see that I had a Twitter account, a blog and a public report of when I took the “City of Portland” to court for towing me unnecessarily.

I lost.

This is assuming we have internet in 100 years.  Maybe by that time everyone will have iHands where they look at their palm, think of what they want to know and it glows the answer. That would be sweet. Instantly, one could have all the details of my court case at their fingertips.

Literally.

So, this weekend I was reading Matthew 17 (cause nothing says crazy Saturday like the transfiguration passage) and I noticed something new. In verse 9-13 Jesus is explaining that the Son of Man (himself) will be raised from the dead. The few apostles that are with Jesus remind him of the Old Testament prophecies which state that the prophet Elijah has to come back first. Jesus (who probably didn’t need to be reminded) clues them in that the prophecy had already been fulfilled by Elijah’s spirit coming through John the Baptist.  Then scripture says, “The disciples understood…”

These men, who walked and lived with Jesus during the days of John the Baptist didn’t understand the full picture of what was happening. This occurs again when Jesus tells them of his upcoming death in verse 23 and then again in chapter 20:18-19.

They were so accustomed to hearing the Old Testament passages, and so sure they knew how everything was going to play itself out, that they completely missed what was happening in front of them.

Peter’s denial of Christ is an even greater depiction of what happens when our lack of understanding shakes us up.  Can’t you just see Peter freaking out?

“This isn’t how it was supposed to happen!”

Like the earlier Peter of Matthew 17, I would love to have Jesus respond to my questions so that a hundred years from now people could look back and read, “And then Joy understood…”

But I doubt it’s always going to happen like that. My faith doesn’t promise me full understanding while I am on earth, so I will most likely die with a number of questions. My desire is to be ok with that; to take deep breaths and reject the idea that trusting the unknown plan is foolish and un-intellectual.

This is not to discount the losses and lack of this life, but to grieve the unknowns.  There is no gain in the suppression of my sorrows.  But for now I will attempt to live in the freedom of what I can know about God’s plan for my life. Then one day when I die I will say, “ahh, I understand.”

Romans 11:34 “For who has known the mind of the Lord,
or who has been his counselor?”

Welcome.

The newest section of this site that I am so pumped about (besides the Unicorn Poll, aka: vote and believe) is the “Ask Me” section. This will be a spot for people to submit questions, and I will respond in a video post.

I’m still trying to figure out some type of legal disclaimer for my advice. I keep envisioning how 30 Rock’s Liz Lemon had the advice from her “Deal Breaker” book come back to haunt her.

Welcome to my world…

I have been working for my parent’s marriage ministry, Love and Respect, since June 2005. Since early 2008, I have been doing research to understand and help serve the next generation of relationships:

Dating/newly-married/single

Just a small demographic, huh?

In 2005 when I began working for Love and Respect, I directed the live conferences where my parents would speak. During that time, I would hear attendees say over and over again, “If I only knew then what I know now!”

That got me thinking very seriously and I asked myself this question:  “How can I help my generation know themselves, communication and what it means to be obedient to God’s word now, as oppose to 2 years or 20 years down the road when they are disillusioned and wishing they were better prepared?”

As I have researched, four major components have come to the surface:

1) Introspection: None = Distraction to the point of never assessing who we are. Unhealthy amount = Narcissism.

Do we know who we are, let alone who we need to be with?

2) Autonomy/Authority: Because of our transient life-styles, we don’t have much accountability or older, wiser counsel in our life. It is very easy to live an autonomous life.

Do we have any areas in our life where we submit or are held accountable?

3) Sexuality: Our overly indulgent or overly suppressive responses to our sexuality are both having an effect on our marriages.

How has the church affected us? What do we believe about our sexuality?

4) Technology: From social networking, to video games, to the inability to ignore sound and advertising, we live in a state of constant distraction often coming under the guise of “information.”

But what are we learning?

I believe these areas are the core of many of our relationship problems. If you are a follower or Christ, I also believe there is a crisis of faith issue playing into how we respond and act towards relationships.  I will be addressing that as well.

Long story short, anything I can do to help facilitate us talking about relationships, communication and faith excites me. Hopefully we can figure out NOW what the Lord is asking from us, instead of someday saying, “I wish I had known then…”

Lastly: A special shout out to Katie, Kathy, Dane, David, Hunter, John and Stephanie who are all smart and talented and went above and beyond. e-fives all around!!

(I just made that up, it’s a combination of electronic and high-five. Incredible Joy…incredible.)